Overlords and Overkill
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Finishing his training in Mahora, Negi leaves to experience the REAL school system. Nanoha's new teacher is a surprise, but seems like a nice person. This will all, of course, end badly. and when the dark fragments of the Defense Program begin to rise...
1. Set–Up

A/N: Someone dared me to do it. What can I say?

TvTropes, dattebayo!

...

Overlords and Overkill

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 1: Set-Up

Disclaimer: Neither Negima nor Nanoha belong to me. Please don't sue me.

...

Satsuki sighed as she looked at most of the girls in her class who were trying their level best to get drunk at her place of business. Technically, she shouldn't be allowing this, but given how many _OTHER_ people were doing the same, other teachers among them, it wasn't like anyone would notice. She discreetly took a sip of the cooking sherry.

"I can't believe he's really gone..." Ayaka sobbed, trying and somehow succeeding to get drunk on ginger ale.

"After all we've been through..." Makie cried, binging on meat buns, and screw her figure.

"Negi-sensei!" Nodoka wailed, while Yue did her best to comfort her even as she cried herself, easily setting up a comfort-sex situation...

"They said his training here was over, and that he needed to see what the real, non-magical school system was like," Shizuna said dismally, before throwing back a shot. "If we'd known..."

"We'd have tried to kill the bastards in charge of the arrangement," Kuzunoha Tōko (you know, that swordswoman teacher of Setsuna's from that time they got sent to the future?) growled, nursing her bottle of vodka.

"BRO!" Chamo wept as Chachazero poured him a drink next to a completely soused Evangeline, who was blubbering about 'wasted opportunities to tell him she loved him'. "How did you forget to bring me along?"

Chachamaru was unfortunately completely unable to get drank, and thus was the most sober person in the area. Thus, she was the only one who noticed. "Where's Asuna?"

Elsewhere, Asuna stood in front of a ticket booth, a determined expression on her face and her bags packed. "One ticket to Uminari City please," she said resolutely.

And in some city somewhere, a bunch of fourth graders in white uniforms blinked as they stared at the boy in the green striped suit only a little bit older than them enter the room, accompanied by their old homeroom teacher.

"Class," she said, gesturing at him. "I'd like you to meet your new homeroom and English teacher for this year, Negi Springfield-san."

He bowed. "A pleasure to meet you all."

"I realize he's young," she continued, and the words 'understatement' seemed to echo in everyone's minds, those who knew what it mean, "But please treat him as respectfully as you would any other teacher..."

_Is this usual for your world, Nanoha-chan?_ Fate asked telepathically as their new teacher took roll.

_No, definitely not, _Nanoha sent back. _Still, he seems like a nice enough person. And it should be interesting to have a teacher our own age._

_Yuuno-kun will be depressed to hear you don't consider him a teacher, _Hayate teased.

_You know what I mean, _Nanoha said. _He's pretty gentle-looking. If no one had told me, I'd have thought he was a girl..._

In some other universe, Magus Erebus of the United Magical Girl Association and Green Lantern-chan of Space Sector 2814 both sneezed, and had no idea why...

...

It soon became clear that the living situation was sort of problematic outside Mahora, where you could simply bunk with the headmaster's granddaughter. Negi now lived in a small and rather cramped apartment that was _much_ smaller than the dorm he was used to, though it had the luxury of its own bath. Still, he made the most of it. It was reasonably clean and well maintained, with no stains to indicate leaks. He'd gone over his books and had used to some basic spells to secure the place. Nothing ridiculously complicated like insane wards out of an Independent!Harry fic, just some basic locks to make sure closed windows and doors _stayed_ closed.

The first day had turned out reasonably well. For one thing, no one had picked up his secret yet. After Mahora, that was a very good sign.

Setting aside all his antiques and folding up his clothes, Negi diligently sat down on the apartment's old table to get to work on his new notes for the class. His lesson plan was good, so no problems there, though he'd have to get used to teaching people his own age. He checked his class list, making a note to get to know them as he had his previous class… though hopefully without any nudity involved.

He sighed. Perhaps he shouldn't have left so abruptly, but he hadn't wanted to draw out parting with 3-A. Besides, he wouldn't have put it past the Master to try and keep him inside the resort. Good think he'd been able to send her the solution to her curse. She'd be able to implement it herself on the next full moon, with some help from the girls.

He smiled, knowing the Master would make the most of her freedom and no longer do evil things.

...

"Your new teacher is ten years old?" Shamal said in surprise as she helped Hayate prepare that night's dinner.

Hayate nodded as she tasted what she was cooking. "Apparently, Negi-sensei is some kind of gifted genius."

Vita frowned. "And that's not normal around here?"

Hayate stared in surprise. "Why should it be?"

"Chrono is 14, Yuuno is an archaeologist at ten, both Fate and Nanoha can join the TSAB at nine, and I became a knight, judging from my body, when I was six," Vita listed, counting her fingers. "Oh yeah! Your planet has this age discrimination thing, right? I keep forgetting."

Hayate pouted. "Don't say it like that. You make it seem like we're doing something wrong."

...

Evangeline stared at the folder containing the things she wanted to do when she got out of Mahora that she'd been compiling for the past few years, trying to concentrate on it through her pounding hangover. Let's see… kill Stephenie Meyer… kill Anne Rice… kill Joss Whedon– no, wait, she'd crossed that out when he'd made Firefly– kill Joe Quesada… smack sense into J. Loeb so he'd get back to writing for Superman/Batman… have Peter David get back to Aquaman… put Grant Morrison, Greg Weissman and Studio SHAFT together to make a new Gargoyles series… shave Alan Moore's beard… go to Disneyland…take over Squaresoft– no, wait, it was SquareEnix now– release her own pop album… how drunk had she been when she'd been making this list?

With the care of the hung-over, she added a new page to the stack and wrote a big number 'one' on it in special ink, then underlined it several times, then drew lots of arrows to point it out. Then she wrote 'Find Boya and kick his ass'.

She glanced at her calendar, where the next full moon had been encircled, then glanced at the thick pile of photocopies she'd had Chachamaru make of Negi's Curse release forumula. It was half the size it had been, the rest in various places like her safety deposit box, her wallet, Chachamaru's wallet, on the shopping list, etc. No way was she going to humorously lose _that_.

Nodding grimly, she went to get herself a drink…

...

Negi woke up early, as he'd learned to do after the time they'd spent in Mundus Magicus. Yawning, he got dressed in some exercise clothes, and left his apartment, sealing it shut behind him. he jogged for a while just to get his blood moving, heading for a park he's spotted the day before that seemed like a nice place to exercise. He spent a little time wandering, looking for a place where he could practice his martial arts, and maybe some of his shundo techniques.

That was when he saw the pink flashes through the trees..

He blinked, frowning, and headed towards it, wondering what was causing it. Could it be fireworks? But who'd wake up this early just to set off sparklers in the park?

Soon he spotted a girl about his age standing in a clearing, her finger pointing upwards…

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: am seriously considering stealing the Infinite Empire or something…

Seriously need reviews on my 2814-fics… and character sheets on the TvTropes page…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. Busted and Befriended!

A/N: This takes place in the _**Battle of Aces **_continuity. For those unfamiliar, it's based on the Nanoha PSP game, an AU where Reinforce 1 opts not to get killed. Hilarity, of course, Ensues.

...

Overlords and Overkill

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 2: Busted and Befriended!

Disclaimer: Neither Negima nor Nanoha belong to me. Please don't sue me.

...

Nanoha always practiced in the morning. It was her routine. Granted, it had gotten much easier when she'd told her family about it and no longer had to sneak around so much. The neighborhood was pretty safe, and she gained a lot of confidence from the fact that– though she didn't put it quite that way– she was the biggest mother-$%^*#%&$* out there. Well, one of, anyway.

She was, however, highly careless.

As she did that morning's can-juggling exercise, she heard a noise behind her, and turned in surprise. She found herself face to face with her newest teacher, who was wearing exercise clothes and inexplicably carrying a big stick wrapped in bandages on his back. Quite unfortunately, she was still guiding her little ball of pink light, and with her concentration and targets changed, it followed suit.

Negi barely had time to react as a bright pink ball of magic slammed him square between the eyes.

"Ah! Negi-sensei! I'm so sorry!" Nanoha waffled, her natural compassion and concern overcoming her fear of having been discovered. She quickly dismissed the Divine Shooter that had been buzzing back and forth slamming repeatedly into Negi's forehead as she knelt down next to him, wishing she knew healing magic like Yuuno did.

Negi blinked at her woozily. "Chisame-san? Did you see who's been shooting their BB gun in school?"

"Eh?" Nanoha said, confused. "Negi-sensei? Who's Chisame?"

Negi was shaking his head to clear it. "Eh, sorry Takamachi-san. I confused you with an old student of mine. It's the hair, you see." He finally focused on her. "Takamachi-san… what you were doing… are you a–?"

Panic finally hit Nanoha. She subconsciously went through her options. Attack was out of the question. That left…

RETREAT AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HER SOLVE THIS!

"_Flash Move,_" Raging Heart said.

Negi blinked as he found himself alone, vaguely making out Nanoha's retreating back.

...

Nanoha panted as she ran when Flash Move gave out. Oh, this was going to be SO bad! What was Lindy going to think? What could they do? What, what, what…!

"Nanoha-san, wait up!"

Nanoha blinked, looking over her shoulder. She stumbled in surprise, nearly striking a tree.

There was a blur, and suddenly she found herself being held by the torso, just short of hitting the tree. She felt Negi's body against hers as he pulled her back, the stick that had been on his back partially unwrapped, the bandages fluttering in the morning breeze.

He turned to look at her, their faces close. "Are you all right?" he said.

"Oh yes, I'm fine," Nanoha said.

"Oh, that's good," Negi said.

There was a beat.

"You were flying on that," Nanoha said.

Negi smiled. "We might need to talk…"

...

At the bus stop, Fate, Hayate, Suzuka, Shamal, and Alisa all stared as Nanoha walked up to them next to Negi, the two of them chatting companionably. Some darted glances at Fate.

"What the heck?" Alisa said.

"Negi-sensei?" Hayate ventured from her wheelchair as the two got closer. "Why do you have a bruise on your forehead?"

"Oh, this?" Negi said, smiling, in a self-depreciating manner. "I had a little accident. Oh, look, the bus is here…"

They got on, Negi helping them manhandle Hayate's wheelchair into the bus. The other students kept giving him looks, some pointing as he sat next to Nanoha's group, whistling slightly as he rummaged through his briefcase and looked at papers. There were more whispers as he took out a pen and started marking.

School was as strange as the day before, with Hayate and Fate both asking Nanoha about what exactly had happened. The other students still weren't used to having to deal with a teacher practically their age, and Negi was having problems, since he was used to being on close terms with his students. His mind tried to block out _how_ close.

As for his students, well, they were finding themselves quite conflicted…

"I don't have a crush on my teacher, I don't have a crush on my teacher, I don't have a crush on my teacher!" Alisa chanted at her desk.

"There's nothing wrong with having a crush on Negi-sensei," Suzuka said. "He's our age, after all. There's nothing wrong with it. And weren't you complaining a few days ago about how you didn't have a crush on Fate-chan? I'd think this would reinforce your heterosexuality."

"That's different! He's a teacher!" Alisa raged. "That's just wrong! It's against the natural order of the universe to find your teacher sexy!"

_The Mahora class formerly known as 3-A all sneezed._

"_NEGI-KUN IS THINKING ABOUT US!" Ayaka cried._

Fate blinked. "You think Negi-sensei is sexy?"

Nanoha frowned. "What does that word mean, 'sexy'?"

"Ask your mother!" the girls all said.

...

Reinforce knew she shouldn't be alive.

She should, by all rights, be destroyed, her core a distant memory, and the corrupted Defense Program with her. But she wasn't. Fate and Nanoha had refused, and her master had promised her they'd find a way.

Speaking of whom, her master really made this cooking thing look easy.

She and Shamal stared at the cook book, especially at the picture of what the food was _supposed_ to look like, then at what actually came out.

"We might have used too much pepper," Reinforce said. "At least it didn't catch fire like last time."

Shamal sniffed. "You screw up _one_ flambé…"

"Maybe we can pass it off to Zafira?" Reinforce suggested.

They snuck a glance towards where the Guardian Beast was cleaning the living room while watching Kamen Rider reruns. The old ones without the silly soap opera stuff.

They bother looked at each other and sighed. "Back to the cutting board…""

...

"– and that is why Stephenie Meyer needs to die," Negi concluded as the final bell rang. He turned to his class. "Are there any questions?"

There were none.

Negi nodded. "Well, that's it for today class. You may go. Oh, and Testarossa-san, Takamachi-san, could you please stay? I need to talk to you about something."

Fate looked at Nanoha, but was surprised that she wasn't exchanging looks with her, but was frowning in thought at Negi. This confused her. Did Nanoha know the reason why they were being asked to stay?

"We'll wait for you," Alisa said as Suzuka helped maneuver Hayate's wheelchair. "But don't take too long! And remember, if he tries to take advantage of his position as a teacher… WHAM!" She smacked a fist into her palm.

For some reason, Nanoha winced at this, looking embarrassed.

AS the three stepped out into the hall to give them a semblance of privacy, Nanoha and Fate steppedup to the des, where Negi was arranging his own papers.

"Ah, Testarossa-san, Takamachi-san," Negi said formally, though his voice was warm and welcoming. "I need to talk to you about your performance in my class."

They blinked. "Our performance?" Nanoha said, bewildered. The year had just started, after all.

Negi pulled out a sheet. "You teacher from last year asked me to watch out for you two. Apparently, she became concerned when your grades dropped noticeably last year, Takamachi-san. She also told me that Testarossa-san has been having difficulty with the subject matter."

Fate blushed. English was superficially similar enough to Mid-Childan– except for the letters. Honestly, why were they so ridiculously ornate?-!– that she could muddle her way through, but apparently it showed.

"I know it's a bit early, but if you feel you need help, I'll be glad to help tutor you," Negi said. "I used to do it for my old students all the time."

In flashbacks, Fate would always see this moment in bullet time.

She would later _swear_ that Nanoha's hair jerked themselves straight, waggling like a dog looking for a scent. Fate was more willing to admit imagining the words 'Target, ACQUIRED!' suddenly appearing in Nanoha's eyes. For some reason, she flashed back to the time Nanoha had hit her with a Starlight Breaker to the face.

_Eh, Fate-chan… look at him! Such beautiful, sad eyes…_ Nanoha sent.

"Do you miss your old class, sensei?" Nanoha asked softly, despite the fact Fate could still 'see' the targeting crosshair in her eyes.

Negi sighed wistfully, a small smile tugging on his lips. "Very much. They were my first class as a teacher, and we became very close during our time together. I wonder what they're doing now…?"

_Chisame made a satisfied smile. "There, I've found him," she snapped at the assembled girls behind her, not all from 3-A. Negi had actually had admirers all the way down to kindergarten, if you could believe it! "He's in a school in Uminari city. Now, will you all FUCKING UNTIE ME?-?-!-?-!-?-!"_

"I hope they haven't let their studies slip," he said.

In Fate's vision, the words in Nanoha's eyes changed to 'Target, LOCKED!'

_Wah! He looks so lonely! _Nanoha said. Fate chose not to comment.

"Um, well, I'd appreciate being tutored, Springfield-sensei," Nanoha said, putting on her best smile, the one that made Vita's blood run cold and forced her to push down a strong desire to tern and run home to hide under her bed. "I'm not really good at English. And I'm sure Fate-chan would appreciate it too, right Fate-chan?"

Fate just nodded. What else _could_ she say? She could somehow still feel the binds on wrists and ankles…

"Well, we'll have to speak again about where we can meet, then," Negi said, coming back to Earth.

"Why not now, sensei?" Nanoha asked.

Negi looked embarrassed. "Well, I still need to finish setting up my apartment," he said. "I wasn't able to finish it yesterday."

Nanoha deflated in disappointment.

Fate mused that Negi probably had no idea how close he'd been to getting blasted.

They moved towards the door, Negi now obviously thinking of something else as Nanoha directed a calculating look to the back of his head. Thus, she wasn't paying attention as she closed the door behind her. Her skirt caught on the door, and she stumbled, bumping into negi. There was a confused moment best visualized by a cartoon cloud of dust, and then…

Fate flushed as she found herself staring at Nanoha's pink cotton panties. Negi was even redder, not a surprise, considering he was seeing it from a vantage point of two inches from his nose.

For a moment, the only sound was Alisa banging her head against the wall repeatedly as she murmured "I am not turned on by Nanoha's panties, I am not turned on by Nanoha's panties, I am not turned on by Nanoha's panties…" over and over again while Hayate, smiling brightly, recoded the scene with her cellphone camera.

Both Nanoha and Negi cried out in embarrassment, scrambling away from each other, Nanoha frantically trying to push down her skirt, Negi slamming into the wall as he covered his eyes. "I didn't see anything!" he cried out. "ACK! Why do these things keep happening to me?-! I'm going to lose my job!"

"N-no, it's all right sensei, it was clearly an accident!" Nanoha cried, trying to comfort him. "Really, it was all my fault!"

Many, _many_ years later, Fate would look back on this moment, and realize it was when they were all doomed…

...

Asuna stepped out of the cheap motel she'd spent the night in, the Ala Alba badge tracker she'd stolen from Hakase in one hand, her Card in the other.

"Just you wait Negi…" she growled. "You are _not_ going to just run off and get yourself nearly killed for being an idiot while I'm around. Damn it, I thought you'd gotten over this trying-to-leave-me-behind thing!"

She stomped off, face intent on the device in her hands…

...

_Mundus Magicus…_

The defeat of Cosmo Entelekhia, while technically bloodless, was still traumatic. Many people had been 'deleted' during their attack, and apparently many more had been sent to CE as test subjects. While most of those recovered hadn't had any problems, some people had broken down after being removed from their 'perfect world', and had needed to be placed under psychiatric care. Many of these were too incoherent to identify themselves, and some were not on official the records.

One such woman lay listless on her bed at the Kamarile Maradim Nindar Mental Health and Psychiatric Research Center on Ariadne. When people could coax her to speak, the most they could get out of her were variations on the theme of 'my daughter' and 'Alicia'. That was all. They could get her lucid enough to say her name, and no record of her seemed to exist anywhere.

A young woman in a lab coat holding a clipboard whistled jauntily as she walked through the bright and airy halls of the Center. She looked a bit _too_ young, just a girl really, but Ariadne had long since managed to go beyond such ageist concepts. After all, the hero of the most recent crisis was barely ten, and yet he'd managed to create spells that people up to ten or twenty times his age could barely conceive!

The girl let herself into the woman's room, smiling brightly. "And how are you today, Precia-san?" she said.

Her doctors would have been surprised to see the woman blink. Slowly, blearily, she turned to stare at the girl.

The girl pulled up a chair and sat down, still smiling. "I'm Doctor Chao," she said, two perpetual blush spots on her cheek. She crossed her legs, adjusting a pocket watch hanging from its chain. "I'm here to help you make everything better…"

...

The TSAB like to tell everyone there are the premier force in all the dimensional seas. They'd be lying.

There are many worlds, and they all share the same dimensional sea, at least as far as they could tell. Many dimensions these worlds exist in are small, barely enough for a world, and a moon, and maybe a few more, and a sun. Some have multiple suns. Some… well, let's put it this way: they stopped sending people to map out the dimsenion of Unadministered World 97 when even preliminary estimates placed its dimensions at _at least_ a hundred thousand lightyears… and probably bigger. They didn't have that kind of time.

And then, there are the other kinds worlds. The ones they don't like to think about. The one's they leave well enough alone, and hope like hell the beings in them didn't know they were poking around.

The Netherworlds…

They don't go there. They pretend they don't exist. Even Jail Scaglietti plans to stay the hell away until he runs out of things to do in TSAB spaces.

And then, there is the Center Realm. Guarded by a dark, forbidding barrier, there is no entry except at possibly one point. Existing at the Center of All Dimensions, many have tried to breach it, to no avail. Thousands have tried futilely to batter down the door that appears (if you know where it is), yet none have ever succeeded to tell of it. Yet many try, staring at the tantalizingly inviting keyhole at the center of the door, surrounded by swirls that look like stylized white hearts, and dream of holding the key that will unlock this passage…

...

The big, brutish Overlord with delusions of nobility who called himself Zenon looked upon the world before him, and saw it was good. Good for the taking, anyway. No Overlords, barely any demons, and lots of corruptible minions. Sure, there was magic, but where wasn't there? He consulted the ancient, fragmented copy of the document that was passed on from Overlord to Overlord, usually posthumously. The LIST. He read it, and saw it was also good.

First things first though. He needed a castle. Then he'd need to know what was acceptable Overlordly behavior around here so people would recognize know what he was. And then…

CONQUEST!

Evil LOLZ aplenty followed…

...

The dark-haired girl with the gun stumbled as they arrived on the world, but managed to right herself in time to catch the dazed little blonde girl behind her. "Whoa! Easy there blondie! Watch your step. Hey, froggie, pick it up!"

A blonde teenaged demon in a tuxedo who had appeared behind the blonde girl glared, tugging at a dark, metal-studded collar around his neck. "Dahmn you, gehl!" he cried, sounding like John Cleese taunting King Arthur. "Vhen ay geht zis cohllar ohf, I'll–"

The dark haired girl pulled a control ball out of her pocket and activated it. The demon was humorously electrocuted. "Oh, shut up and pick her up," she said, pointing her gun at him. Grumbling, he did so, picking her up in his arms. "Good little frog."

"May, neym," he saind with affront dignity, "Is Tinkiel! Fallen Angel ihn zhe sehrevice ohf zhe greaht Overlord Zenon!"

Asagi Asagiri sniffed. "Right. And I'm a main character in a Nippin Ichi game. Move your ass, froggy. I'm on a mission from gOD and you're throwing off my schedule."

They stumbled through the convenient woods, the girl following behind, her gun not wavering.

The little blonde girl eventually roused, staring blearily at the person carrying her. "W-who–?"

"AH! Youhr highhnehss is avake!" Tinkiel cried, nearly dropping her, only for absolute terror at the repercussions of this causing him to dive and catch her. "Ih've goht youh!"

He steadied her, relieved, only for Asagi to kick him out of the way. "Hey, you okay?"

The little blonde girl blinked again slowly. "Who…" she managed again, "am I?"

Asagi managed a smile. "Your name," she said, "is Rozalin."

"Doh-ter ohf– YARGH!" Tink cried as Asagi shocked him again.

"I'm a friend," Asagi continued. "I'm here to protect you, because you, girl, are my ticket to at least a main supporting protagonist role instead of just being a secret character cameo! So I swear, in the name of Shadow Crystal Mage, that I will absolutely protect your hot little loli pettanko ass until it is plot mandated I don't!" She grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to give this Absolute Unlosing Ranger plot trinket to someone. Be right back!"

She bounced off.

Tink groaned.

...

Somewhere, darkness gathered…

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I figured, what the hell. It's an AU, starting from WAY before the start of her series. That means no Adell. Adell will not be appearing in this fic.

Nanoha wouldn't know romantic interest if it dropped an anvil on her head. Negi is notorious for not noticing how girls feel about him unless they say it straight.

Let the Hilarity Ensue!

The most vivid memories Nanoha's friends have of her friendship with her at this point inevitably boil down to 'pink-death-beam to the face!'

The first one who can tell me the significance of the 'Kamarile Maradim Nindar Mental Health and Psychiatric Research Center' will be granted one fulfilled request on this fic. As long as it's not a plea to keep a pairing from happening, I'll do it. I don't care if you ask for the Ghostbusters to show up, or to give Chisame a Digimon, I'll do it. Genius Bonuses must mean something!

This fic will have several 'flavors'. Nanoha-perspective will be in her introspective flavor, Negi-perspective will be in his own humorous flavor, Asagi-perspective will be 4th-wall breaking, metafictional CRACK! there may be other flavors to come…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. Equal and Opposite Attraction

A/N: I am aware of the existence of the Fic known as _**Equal and Opposite Attractions**_. I should be: I thought up the title for it. Zephy and I are forum buddies, and any similarity to our works stems from the fact we post the preliminary versions of our chapters in the same forums and bounce ideas off each other.

Jack Inque got the answer right first, so he gets his request!

...

Overlords and Overkill

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: Equal and Opposite Attraction

Disclaimer: Neither Negima, Nanoha, Disgaea nor any other series featured here belong to me. Please don't sue me.

...

Negi Springfield hadn't thought that far ahead in life. Beyond 'getting vengeance for my village' and 'find my father', his forward planning had been zilch. His thought patterns had mainly focused around 'get stronger', 'keep everyone far from me so they don't get hurt', 'become a Magister Magi somehow by way of being an English Teacher' and 'get my vengeance'. It was actually disturbing, how similar he was to one Uchiha Sasuke. His standards were also pretty low. He'd grown up with few expectations or desires, and was a much happier person for it. After all, his conception of a perfect world was 'same as usual, except with my parents'. Since finding them, he was already currently in his perfect world.

That said, he figured he'd need to make readjustments to account for the Midori-ya's chocolate cake.

"It's absolutely perfect," he said in wonder, before daintily taking another spoonful and putting it in his mouth.

As he moaned and his tongue began to lick the spoon free of frosting, Alisa, Suzuka, Fate and Hayate stared, the wheelchair-bound girl dutifully recording the event. "_So_ much like porn…" she murmured.

"It's like watching Vita-chan eat ice-cream," Suzuka said breathlessly.

Alisa put down her own spoon, no longer feeling like eating. _I am not turned on by a boy eating cake, I am not turned on by a boy eating cake,_ _I am not turned on by a boy eating cake…_ she kept repeating to herself.

Fate also pushed her plate away. "I think I'll eat this at home," she murmured uncomfortably. Alisa did the same.

Nanoha walked up to the table, wearing her waitressing smile. "Does anyone need anything else?"

"Brain bleach?" Alisa said, voice quavering.

Negi looked up from molesting his cake. "Are you ready for our session, Nanoha-san?"

Nanoha looked around. The rush seemed over, giving them time for their tutorial. "Just let me tell my dad," she said.

Negi smiled back just as brightly. Alisa felt she should wear sunglasses to preserve her sight.

As Negi opened his tutorial material, he thought back to his conversation with Nanoha all those days ago. It had been _so_ different from his first talk with Asuna, what seemed a lifetime ago. Nanoha had been more than ready to keep his secret, not surprising, really. It was a little known fact that most magical girl shows were secretly conceived and sponsored by mages. These shows propagated the feeling that if you have magical powers, you should keep it secret, or else bad people might get you. It was an effective way to educate the unknowing masses into maintaining the masquerade. In hindsight, it was just his luck he'd run into a girl who didn't watch or like magical girl shows. In further hindsight, it was kind of ironic.

At last Nanoha came to the table, her pet ferret on her shoulder. It had Negi a bit homesick for Chamo, but he pressed down on the emotion. He couldn't understand why. Yuuno was nothing like Chamo. For one, the little tan creature was unlikely to be a chain-smoking, alcohol guzzling panty thief with a surprisingly strong punch for something his size. He tended to scamper along the table, peering into the textbooks as if reading them. Negi thought it was absolutely cute.

Stifling one last pang of heartache, he began the session.

The Nanoha sadness-sensor is all seeing, and there was no chance at all of it missing the brief pang Negi felt when the teacher saw Yuuno. It was there the first time she'd brought the ferret to tutorial, prompting Nanoha to ask, and of course drawing out the story of the childhood pet Negi had needed to leave with his old students. Nanoha had been touched by the tale and filled with the urge to give the boy a hug. The other were divided between that and wondering how much it was going to hurt when Nanoha finally properly 'made friends' with Negi. Alisa could still recall the slap he'd gotten for picking on Suzuka, mostly because she'd blocked out the kindergarten ass-kicking that had later followed when she'd hit Nanoha right back. Even at that age, growing up with a family dojo must have rubbed off a little: Nanoha fought _dirty_. Fate _still_ sometimes woke up from oddly relaxing dreams of being hit in the face by Starlight Breaker.

Suzuka, Alisa and Hayate didn't really need to be there– after all, two were voracious bookworms and one was part-American– but they were in it for the solidarity and to help their friends. Besides, it was easier to learn with friends helping you, something that Negi himself espoused. The fact there was no earth-shattering kaboom at the instance of blatant hypocrisy on his part was another matter entirely.

As night fell, they had to end the session. Negi's apartment was in an area that was mildly dangerous after dark, and though he could take care of himself, he really didn't want to risk it. It was always hard to explain anyone he'd need to beat up, and would draw too much attention. Normally, either Suzuka or Alisa , whichever was calling their car that night, would drive him, but one of Alisa's dogs was expecting puppies that night, and she wanted to be home early to supervise. The group spit up, Hayate and Negi accepting a ride back while Nanoha and Fate stayed a little longer to help with the café until Kyouya shooed them home.

As Negi stepped out of the car and waved goodbye to his students, he looked up in the sky and smiled, wishing that things would stay this peaceful forever.

Of course, this meant it was the cue to crack up the chaos to the max!

...

Alisa, Suzuka and Hayate where all chatting pleasantly when the car suddenly lurched, and there was a loud screech of tires, followed by a loud meaty thud.

Those events in any order are never a good thing.

"What the– What happened?-!" Alisa demanded as her driver began to unbuckle his seat belt and exit the car, she cursed, and followed after, Suzuka right behind her, leaving Hayate all by her lonesome.

Hayate sighed, looking down at her legs. "Ireally need to get healed up soon…"

Alisa found her driver kneeling next to… someone in a cosplay outfit? It looked like she' tried to create her own Gatchaman costume, and crossed it with Viewtiful Joe. The person was moaning piteously, one arm over the forehead. There was an obscene amount of blood all over the place. At least, it would have been blood… if it wasn't so thick and smelled of tomatoes.

"What the hell?" Alisa said as her driver stopped trying to kneel next to the 'injured' person– who kept swatting him away with her other arm– and began to make a call.

"Oh! Help me! I'm dying!" the apparent 'victim' moaned. Horribly. It was like that train wreck from the time Nanoha had been lead in the school play.

As Suzuka stared, nonplussed, Alisa frowned and stepped forward, kicking the 'victim'.

"Ow! Hey, what do you think you're doing? I'm a horribly injured car-crash victim who you almost ran over!" the 'victim' cried in mid-moan.

"You're faking!" Alisa cried.

"No, I'm not!"

"We can smell the ketchup!"

"I have a rare blood condition!"

"Those are obviously parts of broken chicken bone!"

"I have a rare bone condition!"

"You scratched my car!"

"You hit me! And I'm dying over here, so yelling isn't good for me! "

"You're not dying! It's not even a flesh wound, you loony!"

"I'm not a loony! And I am SO dying!" The loony had been fumbling at her belt all this time, and finally managed to remove it and shove it into Alisa arms. "As my killer, you must take my place! Become…. ACK! Argh! Ahh…"

There was a _really_ corny sounding death rattle, and the loony went limp, 'dead'. Though her chest moving as she breathed kind of spoiled the effect. Alisa and Suzuka sweatdropped.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Alisa growled.

There was a sudden explosion of obscuring smoke, making Alisa, Suzuka and the driver back away, coughing. When it finally cleared, the loony was gone. In her place was what looked like a dismembered crash dummy in a bad costume covered in ketchup.

For a moment, there was absolute silence.

"_**WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED**_" Alisa screamed, waving her hand with the belt in it.

"_What?-!_" Hayate cried from the car. "_What did I miss?_"

The belt glinted with an ominous 'glint'.

...

In its place on the surface of Hayate's desk, the Tome of the Night Sky lay. Within, the Automated Defense Program regenerated.

There were consequences to this.

After dinner, as Shamal and Reinforce slept on their newly-bought king-sized bed, Zafira lay curled up in his blankets, and Hayate was sleep-molesting a half-asleep Vita who was enjoying it, corrupted data fragments was ejected from the Tome. The data flew, leaving the protective defenses built around the house and beginning to regenerate…

...

"_What the hell? This belt won't come off!"_

...

Takamichi entered high school class 1-A and paused, realizing something was wrong. He raised a finger, pointing at the seats, as if trying to count people. He did it twice more before he finally said, "Evangeline, where is everyone?"

Evangeline looked up from the cauldron she had set up in the corner, wiping off the steam that had condensed on her skin with her pointy hat. "They've all cut to get boya back from his new job."

Takamichi blinked. "It's Friday! They'd have been able to see him tomorrow."

"They didn't want to wait. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to work here."

Takamichi sighed, and went to report to the headmaster, then paused. "What are you doing?"

"Readying the catalysts I'll need to break Nagi-baka's curse," Evangeline said. She looked up, glaring at him. "I'm _not_ doing this to see boya, darn it! I'm trying to leave Mahora so I can see the rest of the world and plunge it in a reign of terror!"

"Sure you are," Takamichi said.

"_I AM!_"

"She's lying," Chachamaru said.

"_**HUSH YOU!**_"

...

That Friday, the whole school was abuzz with the story of the weirdo who'd faked being hit by Alisa's car.

"Ketchup? Really?" Fate said, staring.

"How'd she disappear so fast?" Nanoha said. "Was she some sort of magician? I mean, a stage magician?"

"It must have been a ninja!" Yamazaki said.

"Yes!" Mimi agreed. "Insurance scam ninja!"

"Obviously, this weirdo is an escapee from a cancelled video game here to steal the role of main character away from me!" Haruhi cried. "Kyon, to the clubhouse! We must prepare to defend me!"

The boy sighed as he was dragged away by the hyperactive girl with a ponytail. "Why me…" he muttered. Everyone sweat-dropped as they watched the two go.

"She's been reading too many light novels," Hayate said knowledgeably. "I mean, sure, the statistical improbability of a girl named Haruhi meeting a boy named Kyon, girls named Mikuru and Yuki, and a transfer student named Itsuki is pretty darn high, but still!"

"I'm surprise she hasn't tried to kidnap Negi-sensei yet," Suzuka said, chuckling.

The door opened again, and Negi walked in, a noose on one leg and the remnants of a net wrapped around him. "Good morning class. I'm sorry I'm a little late, but Suzumiya-san set a trap for me again. Does anyone have any scissors?"

There was a mad scrabble as nearly all the female students made a dive for their bags.

"Ah, thank you, Sakura-san," Negi said, using the tool to snip open the net.

As they all settled down, and Negi got ready to oversee homeroom, there was a loud commotion from outside in the hall. They all peered at the door curiously. It sounded for all the world like a large group of people running down the hall and stopping briefly at regular intervals.

"Here it is! This is the class!" a vaguely familiar voice cried out. Negi and his class blinked in confusion. There was the sound of a lot of people converging at the door, then silence.

Suddenly the door swung opened, and Negi gasped.

"_**NEGI-SENSEI!**_"

Negi's class started in surprise as a veritable flood of high school girls entered the room, many of the girls in his class staring and self-consciously looking down and touching their breasts, as the older girls surrounded him like amoeba about to consume some luckless morsel and glomped him from all direction. The boys who knew enough about the birds and the bees stared in wonder and awe. Nanoha, of course, was clueless on all counts.

"Negi-sensei!" a pink-haired girl cried.

"WE MISSED YOU!" three girls whose appearance for some reason screamed 'cheerleaders' chorused.

"…!" a dark-skin girl with pale hair cried passionately.

"Negi-sama! At last, we have found you! I didn't know if I would survive another day without your shining presence!" a blonde girl with big breasts cried, kneeling in front of Negi and taking his hands, only to be displaced by the rest of the girls.

"G-girls?" Negi stuttered in surprise. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class? Wait, shouldn't you be in _Mahora_?"

"We needed to see you again Negi-kun!" a pair of twins who looked to be their age cried in unison.

"…!" a dark-skin girl with pale hair agreed fervently, nodding her head.

At the door, the assistant principal suddenly appeared. "Springfield-sensei! Who are all these people?-!"

All the girls managed to turn to look haughtily at this intruder, despite the fact some were hugging or otherwise glomped to various points of Negi's anatomy. "_**WE ARE NEGI-SENSEI'S LOYAL MAHORA CLASS A!**_" they all announced as Negi blushed.

"I am _so_ fired," Negi murmured.

The assistant principal drew himself up. "I don't care who you are! You are being disruptive and–"

A tall girl with long blonde hair stepped forward and began to whisper into his ear. His eyes went wide, and he looked like he was going to protest, but the girl whipped out a little check book and began to scribble something down, before tearing it and handing it to the man. His eyes bugged out as he saw it, and weakly allowed himself to be ushered out of the room. The blonde girl closed it and turned to Negi, smiling widely.

Negi gulped and tried to squirm away. "Girls, it's really great to see you all again, but I need to conduct homeroom…"

There was a general cry of dissent. The girls all looked stubborn.

"Leave him alone!" a voice cried out loudly.

Everyone turned, shocked. _Who would dare stand up against such older girls, who were obviously so many in number?_

Nanoha glared at the teenagers.

_Oh, that explained it._

She pointed dramatically at the girls, and one could be excused for thinking she was some kind of magical girl. Magical Girl Teacher Protector Nanoha! "Leave him alone! I don't care who you are, you are interfering with our class, and he's obviously uncomfortable with you rubbing your fat bumpy things on him! So quit it! How would you like if I came over to you and started rubbing myself all over you unexpectedly?-!"

This announcement was soon followed by Alisa putting her head down on her arms and repeatedly murmuring, "I am not turned on by the idea of Nanoha rubbing herself on me without warning, I am not turned on by the idea of Nanoha rubbing herself on me without warning, I am not turned on by the idea of Nanoha rubbing herself on me without warning…" Fate just blushed and looked fixedly out the window.

The older girls stared, looking as surprised as if they'd just been attack by dust bunnies. "You mean our breasts?" a girl with long, slightly curling purple hair said.

Nanoha blinked, then turned to look behind her. "Fate-chan, what are 'breasts'?"

"ASK YOUR MOTHER!" Fate cried, a bit too loudly, and blushed even more.

Nanoha pouted at her best friend, but seemed to push it out of her mind as she turned back to the Mahora girls. "Please leave our classroom right away so that we can have our class! If you ignore what I say…" she said, drawing herself up to her full height (which wasn't much), trying to look tall and intimidating and just managing to look short and cute, "then I will make you listen!"

Several of her classmates flashed back to Nanoha ass-kicking moments. Both Hayate and Fate had visions of beam-y pink death, while most of the rest remembered a little Nanoha sitting on a little Alisa's back and spanking her for taking away Suzuka's headband. There was a subtle leaning away.

For a moment, there was a stand-off as everyone wondered what would happen next. Fate subtly got ready to jump in if Nanoha actually did go through with her version of 'making someone listen'. Negi's nose began to itch, and his face began to contort as if he was going to sneeze. Zazie reached over and pinched his nose shut.

Then the pink-haired girl who seemed to be tugging off Negi's socks burst into tears. "Wah! That's so mean, Something-Or-Other-chan! We've come a long way to see our favorite sensei! Why are you being mean to us?-!-?-!"

For a moment, both sets of students could only stare as the slim girl fell to her knees and began to cry her eyes out. They were loud, wet tears too, with much mashing her fists to her face and hiccupping. A moment later, the twin girls also fell to their knees crying. A not-quite-that-subtle kick from the busty girl with the twin ahoge had the rather bookish one and the one with the big forehead crying loudly as well. Soon more than half the older girls were crying, on their knees, pointing at Nanoha accusingly or some combination of the above.

"Mean girl!" a slim girl with shirt, spiky hair said in between wildly exaggerated bawling. "Meanie, meanie, meanie, meanie!"

Alisa slapped a hand to her face, then slowly drew it down in disgust. "Oh, please! These girls are worse actors than the loony who bumped into my car and Nanoha during the school play!"

"WAH!" Nanoha wailed, arms flailing. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so mean! It's just that we really need to have class! My grades are already bad as they are, and Springfield-sensei still needs to teach us!"

Alisa began to slowly, rhythmically bang her head on her desk.

"Selfish!" one of the twins accused, pointing. "She only cares about her grades! What does she care about a poor maiden's heart?"

"Meanie, meanie, meanie, meanie!" her sister kept on repeating.

Off to the corner, Setsuna and Mana both stood stoically silent, though a little observation would result in divining they were both absolutely mortified, though in the latter's case such divination would require an elecrton microscope. "You know, I don't really miss him that much," the Mercenary Miko murmured.

"Touching his penis once by accident is enough for my lifetime," Setsuna agreed.

Mana stared at her.

Setsuna looked back. "What?"

Mana licked her lips. "What… what did it feel like?"

...

Eventually, saner heads managed to prevail, and after much promising he'd meet up with them _as soon_ as school was out, Mana, Setsuna, Chisame, Natsumi, Satsuki, Akira, Ako, and Negi were finally able to herd the girls out. He closed the door with a resounding click.

"Takashi-san, Hiiragizawa-san, Lee-san, could you please help me with my desk please?" Negi said, smiling nervously.

A little quick work later, the desk was firmly jammed in front of the door.

"Ahem," Negi said, now standing in the front of the room with no desk and his things on his chair. "Well, shall we get back on track?"

Haruhi's hand jerked up like it was spring-loaded. "Sensei, who were all those girls?"

Negi sighed, squirming slightly. "They're… the class I taught before you. Honestly, I didn't think they'd do something so drastic! Takamachi-san, thank you for trying to keep them in line. That was very responsible of you."

He smiled at her. And Nanoha, proving she wasn't _completely_ immune to the Springfield charm, thawed just the _tiniest_ bit. _Wah! He's smiling! The sadness in his eyes has retreated slightly! _"You're welcome sensei! It was my pleasure to help you!"

She smiled at him. And Negi, proving even he wasn't immune to getting hit by one of Nanoha's little pink death blasts, relaxed just the _tiniest_ bit. _She's such a well-behaved student! Nothing like Asuna at all, despite the fact they have similar hairstyles. Hmm, I wonder if she's related to me too… _

At the Midori-ya, the newly hired dishwasher sneezed…

...

The moment Negi finished with his last class of the day, there was a cry like a soprano hunting horn from hell as the hounds of Mahora were let loose. He managed to make it five feet before he was mobbed by a bunch of highschool girls all clamoring for his attention.

"Lucky bastard," Nanoha's classmate Kyon said. Haruhi, Yuki and Mikuru all glared at him jealously.

The foreign kid Syaoran frowned at him. "What's so lucky about being mobbed?"

Kyon gave him a worldly look. "You'll understand when you're older…"

"We're both nine!" Syaoran cried.

"You two! Stop making a fuss!" Chiri cried.

Meanwhile, over with the other set of protagonists…

Nanoha, Fate, Hayate and Suzuka all stared at Alisa's waist. "It won't come off?" Nanoha said.

Alisa shook her head, grumbling. "I tried it on last night, just to see what I'd look like in it, and it wouldn't come off or loosen or anything! We tried to cut it with wire cutters, but we only ended up ruining the blade! I had to take a bath with this thing on!"

Suzuka frowned. "But… how did you change your clothes?"

Alisa looked around. "That's why I wanted to have Amy-san have a look at it. I think it might be one of those Lost Logia things. When I tried to put my uniform over it… it sort of shimmered through and appeared on top! Same when I tried to take my uniform off too! And I feel like there's something off with me, like… like I have a greater chance of weird shit happening to me because I'm an average elementary school student. "

They all blinked. "That's… certainly new," Hayate said.

Alisa seemed to ignore her. "It's not exactly weird shit," she continued. "It's like… I have a greater chance of Random Encounters or something… or I've become a player character…"

"Weird…" Fate said.

They stood there thoughtfully for a moment as a large group of girls dragged Negi out the front gate.

"You're right, we better take you to see Amy," Fate said. She turned to Hayate. "You need to check in anyway. And isn't Signum due to report in today?"

Hayate perked up at the mention of the knight who hadn't showed up in the narrative yet. "Oh, yeah! I hope nothing bad happened."

"Signum can take care of herself," Nanoha reminded her.

"I know," Hayate said, sighing and looking longingly off into the distance. "Still, I miss her…"

Alisa reached up and thwapped Nanoha on the back of the head as the latter's hair started to twitch. "Down girl. You already made friends with her once."

"But her eyes look so sad…!" Nanoha said.

"DOWN!"

"Poot."

...

"_DARN IT!_" Chamo raged against the heavens. "_THEY LEFT ME BEHIND AGAIN!_"

Chachazero patted him on the back as best she could. "There, there Chamo. Here, have more wine…"

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: decided to end this here and wait for reviews to help inspire me. So, REVIEWS PLEASE!

**Asagi Asagiri** _was_ supposed to be the star of a Nippon Ichi game for the PSP game called 'Makai Wars'. Unfortunately, it was canceled because at the time they didn't wanted 2D games for the PSP (so ironic in hindsight). Since then, she's become sort of an unofficial mascot, appearing as a secret cameo character in N1 games who shows up for one fight, tries to take over the game and become a main character, and then becomes a playable character herself. She has since been rescued from limbo by a mysterious being and promised a main supporting protagonist position if she would do some things for him, one of which will be to kidnap Cassandra Cain and include her in this fanfic…

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. Fights! Erotica! ACTION!

A/N: And now, something with Negi in it that that isn't one big crack-fest, with a bit more bite…

_Smiles innocently, whistling as he thumbs through the reviews of __**Equal and Opposite Attractions…**_

...

Overlords and Overkill

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 4: "Fights! Erotica! ACTION!" or "Something With Negi In It That Isn't One Big Crack-Fest. I Mean, Yeah, The Crack Is Great, But Every Now And Then You Need Something With A Bit More Bite To It"

Disclaimer: Neither Negima, Nanoha, Disgaea nor any other series featured here belong to me. Please don't sue me. I am now a member of the Trope Pantheon, in at least 3 groups! WORSHIP ME!

...

Negi wasn't seen for the next three days, which was immediately noted by his tutoring group, the literature club he'd gotten involved with, the fellow teachers he sometimes went on karaoke with on Saturday nights, and the nice old lady whose laundry he help put away on Sundays. Stories of what he _had _been doing somehow filtered down to the relevant people. By Monday, the school was buzzing with rumors.

"Did you hear?" Mimi told Sora. "Negi-sensei was banned from a pool because all those girls yesterday took him to one and started taking their swimsuits off!"

"I heard there was this giant fight in the park over marshmallows!" Yamazaki said.

"I heard he was attacked by time-travelers, aliens, espers and sliders!" Haruhi cried.

"Oh, get bent, Suzumiya," Alisa grumbled.

The blonde was in a foul mood, mostly because the author had always wanted to say someone was in a foul mood. She'd been poked and prodded by Amy, Mary, and lots of other TSAB people over the weekend, and the most they could say about her newest unwanted fashion accessory was "Wow, ain't that weird?". It wasn't a device, and apparently not a Lost Logia, but it WOULDN'T! COME! OFF! They'd even tried prying it off with Bardiche's scythe and Laevatein. Nothing.

Suzuka patted her friend on the shoulder. "Cheer up Alisa-chan. At least it seems to go with everything."

Alisa whimpered.

Nanoha gave a heartrending sigh that froze the blood in Alisa's veins. She looked up in time to see Nanoha staring at her soulfully. "Such sad eyes…"

"We're already friends!" Alisa cried. "You don't need to do anything to me anymore!"

"Down, Nanoha-chan," Fate chided.

The door slid open, and Negi stumbled into the room. Everyone stared. There was various distinctly shaped marks on his face and collar, and his jacket was rumpled. "Um, good morning class. Please settle down."

Hayate-stared intently at Negi's collar. "Sensei…" she said slowly. "Are you wearing a _blouse?_"

"Are those lip-marks?" Kyon said.

Negi twitched. "I'd rather not talk about it…" he said. "Will everyone please open their books…"

...

The train from Uminari arrived at Mahora around noon. Any hopes of managing to sneak back into campus were dashed when they found Nitta, Takamichi, Professor Akashi, the Headmaster, Chachamaru and Evangeline there waiting for them.

"Eva-sama!" Fuuka cried. "Did you rat us out?"

Takamichi coughed. "The classroom was _empty_, Narutaki-kun. It was kind of obvious."

Konoka winced slightly as her grandfather looked at them all gravely. "I am very disappointed in you all," he said, eyes hooded by his facial hair. The words contained such overtones of sorrow that it actually achieved the impossible and made the class feel _guilty_. Even Haruna squirmed. "I have spoken with your parents, and trust me when I say that they wish to speak to you as well. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

There was a pause. "We were pursuing a marriage option?" Misa said hesitantly.

"MISA!" many in the class cried.

"What? We're already in trouble! And it's not like he's our teacher any more, so it's all kosher!"

Konoemon thumbed his walking stick against the floor, immediately silencing the about-to-rise hub-bub. "Be quiet, all of you! You will all return to class, where I suspect your teachers will drive this point home, and then you will all be issued detention! We will be taking steps to see that this does not happen again. Go!"

The class shuffled off under the disapproving gazes. Nitta and Takamichi herded them, making it quite obvious they were no longer trusted to accomplish this simple task without supervision. Chachamaru and Evangeline joined them, and it was immediately obvious that there was a mild spring to the vampire's steps. Those who didn't know her nature were perturbed. Those who did were utterly terrified.

"What are _you_ so happy about?" Chisame said, breaking off her grumbling about being dragged along with the loony bin.

Evangeline grinned toothily at her, making her lean back. "Have you heard of the expression 'misery loves company', Hasegawa? Oh, of course, you have. I am about to have a lot of company soon."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kazumi asked.

"The Headmaster has decided that Ala Alba needs to be restricted so that this doesn't happen again," Evangeline practically chirped. It was creepy! "Therefore, they're dusting off one of the old spells that have fallen out of use. Do you guys remember 'Infernus Scholasticus'…?"

...

"Did I come off as overly unreasonable, you think?" Konoemon asked Professor Akashi as they walked back to the offices.

Yuuna's father thought about it. "I can't see how, sir. I mean, that was a pretty major transgression, leaving the school without permission. We're answerable to their parents, after all. Detention is actually pretty lenient, all things considered. And cursing Ala Alba is actually pretty sensible. If they're devoted enough to be his Ministra, then they're capable of anything." He sighed. "Yuuna included. I don't suppose you can give her an extra-difficult detention? I know what I say to her isn't going to be much."

"Soft touch," Konoemon said, smiling. "All right, but in exchange, you have to oversee Konoka's detention. And spare me the gory details."

"Soft touch," Professor Akashi accused right back.

"Grandchildren can be like that," Konoemon said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to call Nagi and Arika about an Omiai. Nothing will probably happen, but I have make the gesture."

"That will probably be punishment enough for Konoka and Setsuna," Akashi laughed.

Konoemon slumped. "Am I getting old, Akashi-kun? Am I just uncool? Or do girls really hook up that easily in this day and age?"

"They're star-crossed childhood friends brought back together by conflict, and Setsuna's been so focused on protecting Konoka, she thinks about practically nothing else," Akashi said. "Plus there's all that samurai in shining armor imagery. Look at it this way: if Setsuna were a boy, what would you think of her?"

"I suppose... Setsuna-kun _is_ a good girl," Konoemon said, sighing deeply. "A pity we'll have to punish her too, since she was only doing her job. Hmm… have her detention be with Konoka. Something where they'll be together for some time."

"I'll see what I can do," Akashi said.

Konoemon nodded, blowing out his facial hair. "Now, if only we knew where Asuna was…" he foreshadowed ominously.

...

After school, Fate, Nanoha, Alisa, Suzuka and Hayate all headed for Fate's apartment for another round of attempts to try and analyze Alisa's new belt. Shamal and Reinforce were already there, ready to provide their assistance.

"This seems vaguely familiar…" Reinforce said, frowning down at it as she peered at the belt from bended knee. "I get the feeling I've seem something like this before…"

"Can you remember where?" Lindy asked.

The Unison Device shook her head. "It's pretty far back. All I have is the sense I've seen something like it before. Although…" she paused.

"Although?" Amy prompted.

"I get the feeling that Netherworlds are involved somehow…" Reinforce said.

Alisa, Amy, and Lindy froze, while Suzuka, Nanoha and Fate looked concerned. Hayate frowned, as if trying to remember something. "Netherworlds?" Alisa said breathily. "That's… that's a figure of speech, right? I mean, that's space-wizard talk for something, right? Because the phrase 'Netherworld' has a very distinctive meaning here on Earth… "

"They're… an informal term for certain worlds in the Dimensional sea that have been deemed too dangerous or hazardous to make contact with, much less explore," Lindy said slowly. "Entry into them is forbidden, even during the ancient days."

"Not all my old owners were smart enough obey," Reinforce said darkly.

Hayate rolled forward to put a hand on her knight's shoulder.

A beeping from the hidden computer terminal ruined the tender moment. Amy frowned and, not heeding Alisa and Suzuka's presence, opened it. "Huh. That's strange. We've got a magical signature flying over the city, and it's not one of ours."

"I don't suppose some other archeologist lost another batch of Lost Logia over the city and they're just looking for it?" Alisa asked.

"Speaking of which, where _is_ Yuuno-kun?" Suzuka asked.

"Oh, he's at the Infinite Library," Amy said, typing commands on the computer. "He's still considering their job offer. I think he's picking up his new device too. He put in an order for one since, you know, his last one found a more appropriate owner. He and Chrono will be back tomorrow, after Chrono's finished with dealing with the stuff regarding his new promotion."

Nanoha drew her toe along the floor. "He said it was all right…"

"She's just teasing, Nanoha-chan," Fate reassured her friend.

"Got it," Amy said. "It's over the park, and descending… Hayate-chan, would it be all right for Reinforce-san and Shamal-san to check it out? Between them, they should be able to handle anything."

Hayate looked over at her knights before nodding in approval. "Be careful, you two," she said.

"It's probably nothing they can't handle," Amy said, still typing away. "Probably some tourist, or at worse petty criminals or smugglers."

Nanoha frowned. "Didn't you once tell us that Earth is so out of the way you can only end up here deliberately?"

"Accidents happen," Amy said defensively. "Jewel Seeds, remember?"

Hayate turned to her knights. "You better get going," she said. She pointed dramatically. "_Wolkenritter, sortie!_"

Shamal raised a hand. "Can I get a glass of water first?"

...

Negi breathed the cool air as he performed his forms in the park. His class's– no, Mahora Highschool Class 1-A. They weren't his class anymore…– visit had prevented him from training, and he was trying to make up for a little lost time. After all, he needed the exercise. And, even he had to admit to himself, feeling the gritty, hot feeling over him, a bath. It looked like his three week non-bathing streak was about to end.

Wiping his face off with a towel, he picked up his staff, resolving to pick up some take-out on the way home. Maybe at the 7-11. It wasn't Konoka's cooking, but it did the job.

He sighed contentedly, and began to walk back to his apartment.

And that was when a giant croquet mallet slammed into him from above.

...

"We have activity!" Amy cried as Shamal finished off her drink. "A large burst of magical energy at the park. The readout is similar to a cartridge burst!"

"That can't be good," Alisa said.

Nanoha and Fate straightened. "We'll go with you," Nanoha said.

"I'm picking up more flight readings!" Amy said. "Four more! They're converging at the park!"

...

The red-clad figure raised its mallet, which began to shrink back to a manageable, if still overkill size. It look like someone had stuck a big yellow drum on a drinking straw. The flattened ground was indicatively free of red smears and broken bones.

"_Aer Capturae!_"

There was a flicker, and suddenly the child-like figure's arms were being bound to its sides by white shimmering bands like solidified air and light. The threads anchored themselves to the ground, binding her in place. It turned to face its attacker.

Negi stood in the traditional Magister battle pose, staff in hand, one hand outstretched and spread wide to either ward or attack. "W-who are you?-!" he demanded. "Why did you attack me?"

In answer, the crimson figure twisted, the movement endowing it's mallet with a little force as she spun it on her fingers and slammed it into the binding threads anchoring her. To Negi's surprise, the binding shattered, and suddenly she was on him, dashing forward, the mallet raised. Knowing there wasn't time to capture her again, he reacted on instinct, his staff twirling to block the haft of her weapon as she slammed it uncomplicatedly down at him.

Instinct was also all that saved the family heirloom from being shattered into so much shrapnel as he imbued it with magic to reinforce it without thinking. The force of the swing traveled down his arms and made his knees shudder, and he gasped in surprise. His body moved on its own, the butt of the staff rising to slide the mallet down one side as it swung to clip the girl on the side of the head. It was a relatively gentle blow, but even so Negi was surprised when the girl's head stopped it cold. It was like hitting a bag of sand. An Evangeline-sounding part of him screamed at him to take this situation seriously, stop being a gentleman and kick her ass. It even called him boya.

The girl darted back, making a hand gesture. Four balls bearings flew into the air, and suddenly expanded to about the size of a large man's closed fist. "_Schwalbe Fliegen!_" The mallet swung, striking the balls and launching them at Negi with lethal force. Negi shundo'd under and past them, staff sweeping wide to try and sweep the girl's legs out from under her. The blow connected, but she just spun in midair like, her own mallet sweeping to take his own legs. He managed to avoid her in time, only for his instincts to scream at him to get out of the way. He leapt, back-flipping in time to see the steel balls plow through where he'd been standing, plowing violently into the ground, which erupted with disproportional force. This seemed to expend them, and Negi made a note of the redirectional abilities.

"Can't we talk about this?" he called, though he realized it was futile. This girl had a look in her eyes like the production model Chachamaru's from the school festival, so long ago: dead, blank, empty. He didn't like calling people dolls, especially given how many he'd head it used so often as a derogative, but this girl truly _was _a doll. A puppet on invisible strings. And unlike Chachamaru and her sisters, it was completely empty, the strings its only motive force. Still, he had his doubts. He had to be sure, and there was only one spell he could think of for testing this. he hoped no one _ever_ found out about this…

"_Raskil Mastel Magister!_" he incanted, casting his most dreaded spell. "_Flans Exarmatio!_"

The results were… surprising.

The hat on her head blew off, and the mallet in her hands was violently ripped away by winds. Besides this and her skirt suddenly lifting, revealing her hot pink underwear, she was completely unaffected, beyond her clothes seeming to shimmer red.

_What…? Magically constructed clothes?_ Negi thought, recalling Takane-san's shadow armor. That was the only explanation he could think of for how that spell had been defeated. _Some kind of armor then._

The girl turned, leaping for her fallen mallet. Before she could reach it, however, Negi had shundo'd forward, his knee slamming vertically into her stomach. He felt the resistance of the armor, was able to roughly gauge its protective abilities by judging how much of his force it had neutralized. The girl barely grunted at the impact that was already risking internal hemorrhaging in an adult, one fist swinging in a backhanded swipe for his face. He slammed his palm into her elbow to catch the blow, using his position to leverage her arm behind her, slamming her to the ground, one knee on her back. The girl struggled fiercely, still trying to buck him off or reach her mallet.

"Who are you?" Negi demanded, trying to question her. "Why did you attack me?"

It gave no response, merely continued struggling.

Negi was about to ask again, for all the good that would do him, when the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly rose in a distinctive way. His scalp prickled, and tingles seemed to run down the hairs on his arms. He knew what was happening, and threw himself out of the way as all the telltales of a lightning spell coming together came to a head, and a cry of "_Thunder Blade!_". Several golden swords that crackled with electricity slammed into the spot Negi had been occupying, impaling the girl in red. The girl let out a cry of surprise, before all the blades suddenly exploded in a large cloud of electrical discharge. Negi heard the familiar snap, crackle and pop as moisture-rich plants burst, the water in them flashing into steam and causing them to explode, felt the blast wave of air slam into him as the literal thunder came. He looked up and gasped.

Fate floated above him, clad in what looked like a dark swimsuit, long stockings, metal shoes, and a cape. She held some kind of metal staff in her hands, a shining, curved blade protruding from one end in a scythe. With her was a man in blue clothes, a dogs tail and ears clearly visible on him, his tanned skin looking hard and leathery; a boy with dark hair and dark, villainous-looking clothes, complete with spikes; and a blonde woman in a green dress, with a hat. All shared the same dead eyes.

"Fate-san?" Negi cried, surprised at the sudden intervention. "What are you doing?-! You killed that girl!"

Indeed, there was nothing left of the girl in red but a charged husk. Yet even as Negi watched, it seemed to dissolve into black flecks, slowly evaporating away at the edges. He had no time to examine this phenomenon closely, however, as the four of them all turned their eyes on him, and light began to gather in their hands.

Negi suddenly had a very definite image of what his Master's reaction would be to a disciple stupid enough to just stand around to get hit. Besides, hadn't this been the very first thing she'd drilled into him?

"_Melodia Bellax!_" he cried, shundoing out of the way as spells were unleashed. Balls of golden light, ripping whirlwinds, white spikes suddenly erupting from the ground and a directed beam of blue energy nearly all slammed into where he'd been standing, ruining the park even more. The blue beam, however, curved to follow him, its turning radius tight, and Negi hiss in frustration. He gestured and silently incanted, and the blue energy detonated on the barrier he raised behind him.

With a practiced motion, he threw his staff forward, landing feet first on it as it levitated, then quickly hit the gas as more blasts flew his way. He dodged with consummate skill, not bothering with attacking just them. they had the high ground, so to speak, a tactical advantage he had to neutralize first. He pulled up, accelerating to get above them, moving into open air.

"_Flans Salvatio Pulverea!_" Negi cried as soon as he was above them. wind blasted downward, pushing down the quartet. The woman and green was slammed into the ground, but the other three were quickly able to move out of the stream of air, flying to charge at him. A random thought Negi's head. _I really need to learn to fly like Alb–_

Across several hundred miles, he felt the man start to ignore his existence.

–_er, Ku:nel Sanders does,_ Negi mentally corrected himself.

The three spread out, Fate and the boy quickly circling around him while the tanned man charged ahead, fists raised. Negi was unable to try yelling at Fate as he defended himself from the physical charge. His hands flashed, parrying or diverting the straightforward blows. He knew that was a strategically unsound idea though, and was nearly proven right when he barely managed to catch and swing the big man around to block a blue energy blast from the boy.

This move, however, nearly left him open to being cleaved in two by Fate's scythe. Unable to get the lightning halberd spell up and around his staff in time, he swung his bare arm with a quick unincanted spell, his Ensis Exsequence barely materializing in time to block the energy blade. "Fate-san, attacking a teacher is grounds for expulsion!"

Like another blonde who had attacked him early in his last school year, she ignored him, trying to maneuver her blade to decapitate him without breaking the lock.

"_Axel Shooter!_"

Several familiar ball of pink light– Negi's forehead twinged in remembered abuse– slammed into Fate from the side, knocking her off Negi, though her scythe came dangerously close to tearing his arm open. He resisted the urge to turn and see who had intervened, darting back to give himself room. Only then did he twist his head slightly ,looking our of the corner of his eye. "Nanoha-san?"

Nanoha waved. "Hello sensei! This park doesn't seem to like you very much."

Fate was staring at him, jaw dropped. "S-sensei?"

"Fate-san? Didn't Nanoha-san just shoot you off me?"

"Oh my…" a woman who looked exactly like the woman in green Negi had blasted into the ground said, staring at him. So did the silver-haired woman in the black leather coat and outfit that looked like it belonged to that Sephiroth person Haruna drew. She even had wings, though they were black and came in pairs, making her look like some kind of hellish demon butterfly.

"Sensei, look out!" Fate cried.

Negi whirled, his footing sure if variable on his staff as the boy charged at him, his metal staff glowing blue for some kind of impact-based attack spell. Negi parried with his sword, using the blade as an extra-long forearm, sliding the spell of it as he maneuvered then lunged, the movement instinctive. The energy blade pierced the boy's chest.

Negi stared in horror as the boy grew still, then began to dissolve at the edges.

"Chrono-niisan!" Fate cried. "W-what?"

"Oh, no…" the silver-haired woman gasped. "I know what this is…"

There was a blast of intense green wind that sent Negi reeling as the other green woman rose from the trees. The tanned man charged him once more as the other Fate recovered and with a cry of "_Haken Saber_" launched her crescent blade at him, whirling like a boomerang. All were focused on Negi, as if the others didn't exist.

That was their undoing.

The blue man never got within range before a cry of what sounded like "_Blutiger Dolch!_". A ring of crimson daggers appeared around the man for an instant before they snapped inward, impaling him from all directions. "Attack!" the woman cried. "It's all right! I'll explain later, just attack! Trust me!"

Negi hesitated, still torn by the deaths of the boy and the girl in red, but Fate and Nanoha leapt into action, obviously trusting the woman's word. He had an instant to make his own decision on the matter, and his own instincts won out. He trusted his students.

He leapt forward, closing the distance to the wounded man, and with a ruthlessness that almost physically hurt and would have had Evangeline– or at least Chachazero– complimenting him, cleaved his sword straight through the man, tearing through his raised arms. There was actually an instants resistance before the thermodynamics-breaking effects of the blade pushed through, and the man was torn apart as the super-heated, substance sublimating blade split him apart, each half falling to the ground, a thin coating of absolute-zero ice on the edges.

Nanoha had rushed to fight the other Fate, while the one Negi hoped was the real Fate charged the first woman in green, the silver-haired woman behind her. The other green woman stayed back, so Negi leapt forward to assist Nanoha. The two were darting around, exchanging fire with wild, rapid, but experienced movements, in between quickly closing into melee range, her staff clashing against the scythe. Clearly, Nanoha had done this sort of thing before. Negi, unused to being in this sort of back-up attack support position– the irony of this, despite his having so many combat capable Ministra was completely lost on him– picked his shot a bit hesitantly, more used to charging in and attacking at close- to mid-ranges. An opportunity finally presented itself, however, and over Nanoha's yells asking the other Fate to talk to her, he fired. The prime-numbered array of light arrow spells launched, arching towards the other Fate, slamming into her repeatedly from behind.

Nanoha charged, striking with a spinning staff attack that Negi thought looked vaguely like something he'd seen Kaede do. She leveled the staff at the other Fate, pink energy gather to strike… and hesitated.

The other Fate lunged for her throat.

"_Flans Salvatio Pulverea!_"

The blast of intense wind barely knocked the other Fate away, but gave Nanoha precious moments to raise her staff in a guard position, deflecting the scythe from her neck. Blood welled from a long line on her cheek nearly to hear ear, and she cried out. There was the faintly ionized smell of burnt flesh.

Negi saw red.

He didn't remember activating Magia Erebea. After training with it in Mundus Magicus, it was just another instinct to him. The words to White Lightning leaped from his lips, and suddenly he was speed itself, tearing through the sky like a god. His fist slammed into the other Fate, doubling her over. There were several sickening, horrible cracks. Her chest felt wrong in his hands.

She fell.

And thus, all hell began to break loose…

...

Tink looked up from where he was trying to urge Rosalin to eat, scowling as Asagi flounced in. "Thereh youh areh!" he said. "Whereh haveh youh beenh? Dinnehr wahs gettingh cohld!"

Asagi threw the spent bottle of 'ACME Concentrated Pokemon Sweet Scent' she'd sprayed all over Negi's towel in the trash. "Oh, you know," she said, smiling brightly and winking at the readers. "Around."

"Whoh areh youh winkingh aht?-!"

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: That enough '_bite'_ for you?

I have Asagi, and I'm going to use her, darn it!

…

Not like that! Get your minds out of the gutters!

Negi is smart enough not to make Magia Erebea his opening move, as he knows to limit that. After all, to use it right away in any situation would be a lethal overreaction in the long run.

Nanoha-wise, this is before Fate, Nanoha and Hayate all decide to join the TSAB. The Wolkenritter are in, but only as part of their 'community service'. The reason they're still on Earth is because they're attached to Chrono's group, which is still on Earth. Elements of _**Infinity**_ by Mozco and Ferret Lantern from my own _**2814**_ series might show through these versions of Yuuno and Chrono. I intend to promote them from plot-device characters. _**BOY POWER!**_

Yes, Haruna draws Sephiroth doujin. I'll leave the content up to your (_shuder_) imaginations. Personally, I'm voting Rule 63 being in effect.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


End file.
